This is the most personal entry I have publicised but I felt it was the time. Writing is an incredibly cathartic release and enables you to out so many feelings. I found this today and wanted to share it with you.
Dear Daddy,
I miss you. I wake up everyday and am reminded of the reality of my life now. It’s okay though- I know you loved me and you would never have chosen to leave me. It’s okay, I don’t blame you.
I was angry, I was frustrated that I had to be that person, I had to go through life having lost my best friend and my mentor at such a tender age. I was frustrated seeing people saddened having lost their old parents when you had been stripped from me so young. Now I just see that I was simply the lucky one, I got to have you every single day of my life. I got to be your little girl.
It is hard, it never really gets easier. I am happy and doing so well for myself, but it never gets easier. It simply gets more real. I’d like to think you knew where I was now and what I was doing, because I think I would make you really proud!
People have hurt me. He hurt me really badly after you died and you weren’t there to help me out and tell me that “boys are stupid” and “don’t know left from right.”I forgive you for that. I have grown to be such a strong young lady and one which is so happy on her own.
It isn’t that I can’t live without you, because right now I have no other choice and I am living without you, but I never wanted to. I never wanted to think that you wouldn’t be able to see me getting married or hold your grandchildren or see me launched out into another travelling adventure! That part stings.
It’s scary, it’s so scary to think that I may forget you, it’s so scary to know that I may only have had you for a quarter of my life. The longevity is so daunting.
But with all of those emotions and all of my feelings the only thing that truly sticks with me is just that I miss you. I miss your smile and your stupid jokes, I miss your wittiness and the fact that you would never ever give up on me. I miss calling you at work to rant about some silly thing or watching the rugby together at stupid hours in the morning. I miss being your little girl.
I hope you weren’t upset thinking that you’d left us, I hope you didn’t feel the pain we felt because I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I’m so glad you were sleeping because I know now you were peaceful.
I will never stop missing you and I won’t go a day without wishing you were still here, but I will go on and live the most amazing life because it’s all you would have wanted. Everyone I meet will know just how amazing you were and it sucks that they didn’t get to see that in person.
I hope wherever you are that you are happy and as much as I want you back it is selfish of me not to let you go because you’re gone and that’s never going to change. It was meant to be.
I love you Daddy,
Love your little girl.
believement 