Today as I was writing down some thoughts it suddenly cropped into my mind that it had nearly been 4 months since my Dad had suddenly passed away. 4 whole months. Where has the time gone? It then occurred to me that no matter how ‘aware’ or ‘knowledgeable’ you are about the grief stages or the effects of sudden or expected deaths it is a really daunting thought to visualise how long this grief and pain may go on for.
I won’t lie about it, it does scare me at times. Many people may feel that I have moved on, or my grieving time is over or that I am doing ‘so much better’ but the truth is even I cannot know how I am doing, one moment it is a short sad thought and the next an overwhelming emotion. The longevity of grief is very daunting.
So now through reflection I have realised that the way time appears to have flown by is through taking everything step by step, moment by moment and day by day. My days become filled with many activities, spontaneous outings and new environments and for 30 minutes of that day I sit and I address my grief.
Today I simply feel sad, it is a deep sadness and yearning for my Dad back, it is an overwhelming confusion and denial of the reality of the situation, however identifying these states I feel that I am one step closer to understanding my grief in more depth and acceptance.
I think the toughest part simply comes with those around you, many do not and cannot grasp the magnitude or longevity of grief- which is tough. It can mask your emotions and overtime bury them as you feel people may identify you as ‘exaggerating circumstances.’ The truth is grief is raw, it’s painful, it’s damaging, it’s scary, it’s confusing, it’s surreal and it’s a journey. Take whatever journey you need to take, day by day, step by step, bit by bit. You miss that person as much or as little as YOU feel you do, there are no rules to grieving.
“A little too much, a little too often, a little bit more, everyday.”
All my love
LJ x
believement 
So well written ,i lost my mom 4 months backs and am 22 and could relate to each and every line of it.waiting for more
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Hi Anshul,
Thank you for commenting. Words can’t describe how much it means to me that you found comfort in my writing and raw exposure on grief. I hope to update the blog every week now and expand over time. I hope your grief journey can find some resource and guidance through my words and if you ever wish to reach out then do please feel free to contact me via my email. All my love LJ x
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I can also relate completely. I lost my dad on March 28th. Unexpectedly. Some days are really sad and difficult. Some days are surreal. And some days, it almost seems like I’ve forgotten that it happened. Then I end up in a spiral of guilt. And it’s so difficult to put these feeling into words when friends inquire.
You write beautifully and you are able put into words what I have difficulty with. Thank you so much for your blog. It’s such a comfort.
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Hi Matt,
Thank you so much for your comment, it means the world to me that through my writing I can offer some comfort to others. I always aim to address grief as honestly as I can and I am so grateful to know this has been such a positive approach. If you ever feel you wish to reach out to me then I am contactable via my email: lydiaellejay@yahoo.com, otherwise I will continue to write and expand on my blog over time. All my love LJ x
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