As many of you will appreciate what comes hand in hand with grief is the unpredictability and fear of the unknown, something which at times can be incredibly daunting and scary.
Today I sat and was overwhelmed with sadness. How did this happen? Is this really real? Why did the universe pick me to be the ‘young girl who lost her dad’? It hit me hard. I then took on the thought and realised that the last time I was overwhelmed with sadness or a sudden emotion was a week or two ago, prior to that being almost everyday for a week. As soon as the thought had crossed my mind I found comfort in it. I found comfort in having the faith that I don’t need to ‘prepare’ myself for these grief bursts, I can simply focus bit by bit, day by day and moment by moment and embrace whatever emotion comes over me.
I described grief to my friend as like you being in a ‘capsule.’ It is an odd thing, the ‘grief capsule’ bundles up and encapsulates each and every one of your emotions and neatly stores them alongside you, until here and there you are spat out into this realisticly raw world followed by an encapsulated emotion. One which is randomly chosen, many times a completely alien emotion and usually an overpowering one. These capsules are almost spat out at you expected to be caught by your bare hands. All the while you can never predict which emotion will be spat out and you continuously reach a point when you are convinced that there aren’t any more emotions to be thrown in your direction.
So you can be as fearful, as unprepared and as blind to these emotions as you like, because the truth is we can never understand our grief or how it will play out. The grief capsule is engineered by a force much greater than our psychology and our physiology. It is not our place to even try and understand our grief, and doing so can only bring us harm when unpredictability crops up.
So walk slowly on your grief path and learn in hindsight of your journey, appreciate the future your grief may take but do not look to it because then we lose sight of the importance of remaining in the present, grasping life by the soul and fully embracing our grief journey.
““No longer forward nor behind
I look in hope or fear;
But, grateful, take the good I find,
The best of now and here.”
All my love
LJ x
believement 